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A wise teacher once told me that once we have been in a relationship, it never really fully ends—Even if we have been divorced or our partner has died, the heart never fully lets go.However, the good news is the heart’s capacity is not limited by physical space.OK, so, you’re gay, you want to find a partner and eventually a husband; someone with whom to share your life.

Where it’s legal, same sex couples are getting married in droves, and some gay weddings are so theatrical and over the top that they can actually be intimidating (See the Saturday Night Live skit: Xanax for Gay Weddings for a hilarious send up of this phenomenon).

This can all translate into feelings of pressure to couple up.

No problem there, but one needs to be honest with oneself about his true needs and wants and do the (hard) work of freeing oneself from societal and family pressures.

Perhaps your hurdle is a previous relationship that you just can’t shake.

In addition, you seek never ending reassurance (checking his cell phone, needing to know where he is at all times, demanding he tells you he loves you all of the time--you get the idea).

What belies these feelings and behaviors is the fear that you are is so flawed that you cannot attract and keep a partner without monitoring and controlling him—even though these behaviors ironically push him away. Remember, you are looking for a life mate; that glass slipper is hardly one size fits all, and very few men will qualify.

Unfortunately, along with legal marriage comes the risk of inheriting straight society’s “couple-centrism,” which is the idea that being single is wrong, sad, and a sign of psychological problems that need to be “fixed.” This is just plain wrong.

Not everyone needs to be in a couple nor should be.

In my clinical and personal experiences, these feelings can be so deeply hidden as to be difficult to recognize, articulate and resolve.

My clients rarely, initially state or even recognize that they feel unworthy of love, but their behaviors tell a different story. Once in a relationship you may feel a constant need to control the other partner to make sure he stays connected and faithful to you.

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